i surrender all to you withholding nothing lyrics

J All these things are part of what’s happening TO me but I am in control of what happens IN me. So…though I’m a crier, I’m not always as emotional as I appear to be. Ha! I’m also tearing up all the time because the drugs dry out your eyes and make them overproduce tears. I’m now losing my toenails (so gross!)…a side effect of one of the chemo drugs, so needless to say, I’m thanking God for boot season! -) I’m losing more and more of my eyebrows and eyelashes so I may be sportin’ some huge, Jan Crouch TBN lashes soon. I’m bald as a cue ball, have lost almost all the hair on my body (which is pretty awesome, I must say!), and am experiencing a ton of crazy symptoms.

Even now, I still look at myself in the mirror and say out loud, “I have breast cancer” because there’s a part of my brain that still doesn’t quite compute with that reality. I can talk about and think about these new mountains to cross without being held in the grip of total fear. They were foreign and scary and I avoided thinking about them at all because I couldn’t get past the words “You have cancer.” Now, after walking this out for over 4 months, I have entered a level of acceptance and giving myself over to what God has put in my path. When I first began this journey, those words were unthinkable to me. Lumpectomy, single mastectomy, bi-lateral mastectomy, clear margins, reconstruction, plastic surgery, symmetry…so many words and things to think about that it makes my head spin sometimes.

Today I talked to my surgeon about surgery options, outcomes and what each type of surgery would entail. I can choose to become bitter and angry – or I can choose life and healing not only in my body but in my mind and heart. Yet in my mind and heart I can choose to hold back my trust, my faith in Him and my acceptance of the trials in my life. I have to surrender myself to chemo, to feeling terrible, to surgery and to a loss in my own body that is a central part of being a woman. I started to tear up because in this cancer journey, I have no choice but to surrender certain things to Him - because I want to live. I give You all of me, I give You all of me I give myself away, I give myself away so You can use me I surrender all to You, everything I give to You As I sang it, I realized I was singing words that are the anthem to what I’m currently walking through. As I sat there in the room alone, I absentmindedly started singing the lyrics to “Withholding Nothing” – a worship song we did this weekend at church.

I sat in my surgeon’s office the other day in a very unattractive paper gown, waiting for my exam.

I surrender all to you withholding nothing lyrics